Awards

May 10th, 2008

Do proctologists have “Golden Glove” awards?

New Shows

April 19th, 2008

Currently, HBO has a movie “Autism:The Musical”. This is no joke. However, given the many types of spinoffs there is ample room to create your own spinoff. Here are a few of mine.

“Alzheimer Jeopardy”

“Parkinson: The Race”

“Lou Gehrig: The Oratory”

“Shaker Family Fued”

Ides of April

April 10th, 2008

For those of you who have not already done it (taxes) beware the ides of April.

1842

April 2nd, 2008

Finally! Something has happened to amuse me enough to write about it.

The local grocery store has a new policy whereby they have to input birthdays to the system when someone buys alcoholic beverages.

Since I am obviously over 21 they don’t ask me for ID. My usual response is: “2-6-42″ which feels strange because the person asking me is about 18 and too young to buy the booze themselves.

Today when requested I gave the same answer. The clerk inputted the data. After a slight pause (and trying to be funny) I said:”That’s 1842.” I’ll be darned. The clerk just said “Oh” and started to input the new data.

I hope someone finds the date in their files.

The Most

February 8th, 2008

One thing I got on my birthday was a card from S & C from Austin. It said: “ Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest.”

Can’t argue with that logic.

Upon rereading I focused on the “people who have the most” part and thought:

I have the most. Great family and great friends. I feel blessed.

Bach

February 8th, 2008

Poor Bach. He wrote some of the best music but must have never made much money on it because people tell me he was very baroque.

Question

January 26th, 2008

Is a Madam that runs a brothel a HOstess?

Advice Guide # 1

January 24th, 2008

Never marry anyone who criticizes how you load the dishwasher.

IHOP

January 22nd, 2008

IHOP should only hire one legged people.

Happy

January 21st, 2008

It’s often been said in order to be happy you have to be able to laugh at yourself. So, I told myself a joke.

It didn’t work.

I didn’t like the punch line.